


No Other Women

by Sally0



Category: NCIS
Genre: Anesthesia, Bonding, Coming Out, Gen, Heart-to-Heart, Late Night Conversations, Oversharing, Secrets, Slight Canon Divergence, thanks to season 13, which ruined my headcanon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:47:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23386891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sally0/pseuds/Sally0
Summary: Tony is experiencing the after-effects of anesthesia and painkillers from dental surgery, and in his uninhibited state, shares a personal secret with Gibbs. Gibbs, knowing Tony is drugged up enough that he won't remember, shares a secret of his own.
Relationships: Anthony DiNozzo & Jethro Gibbs
Comments: 3
Kudos: 70





	No Other Women

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This fic was inspired by a line from the movie Blow Dry, starring Alan Rickman (RIP).

"Thanks again…Boss," mumbled Tony thickly through the gauze in his mouth. He let his head fall back against the head rest of Gibbs's passenger seat. "For driving me…home."

"Not going to your place," Gibbs replied. "You're fresh out of surgery. Dentist said you should be supervised for twelve hours."

"Nahhhh," Tony drawled, waving his hand dismissively. "I'm fine. Just because my girlfriend couldn't come tonight…you don't have to."

Something in the younger agent's voice made Gibbs look at him. But Tony was just leaning back on the seat gazing out the window.

Gibbs returned his eyes to the road. "Bit strange," he said, "her canceling last minute. You just had general anesthesia. She knows you shouldn't spend the night alone."

Tony didn't answer. His eyes slowly closed.

"How's the pain?" asked Gibbs.

Tony opened his eyes and smiled as much as he could with his swollen, gauze-filled mouth. "Ohhh, they gave me som'm _real_ good for the pain." He tapped his coat pocket. "And pills for later. S'posed to help me sleep." He let his head tilt back again. "But this…isn't very fun. I'm gonna start taking better care of my teeth. No more dental surgery for me."

They pulled into Gibbs's driveway. Gibbs helped Tony, who was too groggy to stand on his own, out of the car and they walked into the house together.

He sat Tony on the sofa, helped him out of his coat and went into the kitchen. He came back with a glass of water for Tony and a shot of bourbon for himself.

"Hungry?" he asked, handing Tony the water.

"Nahhh," the younger man replied, setting the glass down and leaning back on the sofa. "Stomach's not feeling that great."

Gibbs sat down beside his agent and silently sipped his bourbon.

"You know I'm not usually one to complain," Tony began, gingerly touching his tender jaw. Gibbs stifled a snort of laughter. Tony continued without noticing: "but this hurts like a sonofabitch. I think the drugs're wearing off. I should take one of my pills and try to get some sleep. Some way to spend a Friday night, huh?"

Gibbs didn't answer, but got up and fished Tony's prescription medication from his jacket. He left the room to get a waste basket for Tony to spit his gauze into. Tony began muttering to himself in a groggy drawl that his boss could hear from the next room.

"Last time I had pain this bad was when I got shot." He frowned. "Well, getting shot was definitely worse. Before that, it was…what was it? Oh. Ha. _Somalia_ , of course. Now _that_ sucked. Almost worse than the plague. No, the plague was definitely the worst. At least until…" he didn't finish the sentence.

Gibbs returned to the room and sat back down next to Tony.

"Y'know boss, I know I'm feeling crappy, but… _man…_ turns out I've been way worse off a lot of times before." He gave a short laugh.

Gibbs held out the waste basket. Tony pulled the thick gauze from his cheek, gagging sightly. Then he took a pill from his bottle, and a swig of water to wash it down. Some of the water dribbled onto his shirt. He sighed in frustration and let his head sink back on the sofa.

"Don't sweat it, DiNozzo," Gibbs said, trying to reassure his agent. "You'll feel better in the morning."

"Yeah. Maybe," Tony replied, shrugging.

Gibbs frowned, not entirely sure if Tony was talking about the dentist.

Neither of them spoke for a while. Gibbs finished his bourbon and went to refill his glass. When he returned, Tony was slouched down on the sofa with his feet on the table, eyes half closed.

"I think these meds are starting to kick in," Tony drawled with a slight chuckle. He tapped the pill bottle on the coffee table with his toe and accidentally knocked it onto the floor. He scowled and let out an annoyed sigh. He appeared to be feeling quite a bit worse than he was letting on.

Gibbs decided Tony needed some sleep, even if it was barely eight o'clock. He set down his bourbon glass and went to fetch a blanket and pillow.

"I…'preciate all this, Boss," Tony mumbled when Gibbs returned. "You're really good to me, y'know."

"Don't mention it," replied Gibbs, unfolding the blanket. "You can sleep on the couch—"

"She dumped me," Tony blurted out, not looking at Gibbs. "This morning."

Gibbs was caught by surprise. Tony was usually quick to share details of his personal life with the rest of the team, but not with his boss. And not when it was serious. The combination of anesthesia and meds had apparently lowered his inhibitions.

He sat down beside his agent. "I'm sorry, Tony."

"Bah," Tony said lazily. "It's all good. Happens all the time. Starts out well. Then that _topic_ comes up. They always want that one thing. That one thing I can't give 'em."

Gibbs didn't know what to say. He didn't know what the 'one thing' was that Tony was talking about. Commitment? Gibbs doubted that. Tony often made light of his dating life, but Gibbs could tell that it was really just a cover. Tony did want something more than a casual relationship. He wanted a family. So what was it, then? Gibbs was curious, but didn't want to pry when his agent was in this uninhibited state, fresh out of surgery. Tony would probably not remember any of this tomorrow, but if he did, he would almost certainly regret it if he let something slip.

Gibbs understood that feeling pretty well. He had had his fair share of secrets over the years that he had kept from his colleagues. Some of the big ones, like the fate of his wife and child, had gotten out despite his efforts. Another, more recent secret, had not. And Gibbs intended to keep it that way. Hell, he could barely admit it to himself. He suspected that whatever problems Tony had in his relationships, he would want to keep to himself as well.

"You need some sleep," Gibbs began, to head off whatever else Tony might say. But before he could stand up, Tony spoke.

"Kids," he said simply.

Gibbs blinked. He looked at Tony. "Kids?"

"Kids," Tony repeated, leaning his head back on the sofa and staring at the ceiling.

"You saying you can't have kids?" Gibbs asked before he could stop himself.

"Yep. Thaaa's what I'm sayin'," Tony drawled lazily. Gibbs didn't press him to continue, but he felt a pang of sympathy for his agent. He knew that Tony, at one time, was keen to settle down, have a family. He had had no idea that that was no longer a possibility, at least through conventional means. He wondered why Tony had never mentioned this before, but he clearly had his reasons.

"It's a long story," Tony continued, sounding more and more impaired by painkillers. He was slurring all of his words. "The short version is, there was a tumor. Benign, but big. Growing fast. I had surgery, but it was too late. Ever since then…" He formed his fingers into the shape of a gun and mimed firing it. "…blanks."

Before Gibbs could say anything, Tony continued. "I usually mention it to chicks early. Don't want to be dishonest, or give 'em false hopes or anything. Most of 'em? Not interested after that. They have their 'biological clocks' to worry about. The rest…find another reason to leave soon after. Can set my watch by it."

Gibbs let out a sympathetic sigh. "Tony. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry."

"I'm gonna lay off dating for a while. Too painful. Even a gorgeous, well-adjusted guy like me can only handle so much rejection."

Tony sat up and took a small sip of his water. He managed not to spill any this time. He slouched back on the sofa and turned to his boss.

"You're the first person I've told this to," he said, looking a little surprised at having confided his secret. "Well," he added, "aside from the women, who then leave. You're the first person that I've told who's actually staying in my life."

His face suddenly became worried, and he gave his boss a doubtful look. "You're not going to leave now too, are you?" he slurred.

Gibbs allowed himself a short laugh. He'd never seen his agent like this. Tony was pretty drugged up and drowsy, both from painkillers and the groggy after-effects of the general anesthesia. Gibbs was quite sure Tony wouldn't remember any of this tomorrow. And yet for once, ironically, Tony was being real. No façade today.

He shook his head. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Hm. Then you're the first person I'm not dating who knows this. Never thought I'd say it to anyone. Wanted to, never did."

"That's good, DiNozzo. You shouldn't keep something like this to yourself forever. Letting your friends think all you want in life is casual flings. I'm glad you told me."

 _Hypocrite_ , Gibbs chided himself silently. _Praising Tony for opening up while I'm sitting here saying nothing. Maybe I should repay the favor_.

But he couldn't. Not yet. Maybe someday, when he was ready.

"Yeah. Feels good to get it out," said Tony. "And someday…someday, I might even tell _you_."

Gibbs frowned and tilted his head, confused. "You just did."

"No, no," Tony said, shaking his head groggily from side to side. "Not _this_ you. The _real_ _life_ you." He chuckled and tilted his head back, looking at the ceiling again.

He was really out of it, Gibbs realized. _He thinks this is a dream_. He looked at Tony sympathetically. His eyes were closed and he was breathing deeply. Gibbs decided it was time for him to go to sleep. He took a sip of his bourbon and stood up, grabbing the pillow and blanket he had brought in earlier. Tony didn't stir; he appeared to be asleep. His head had tilted back at an awkward angle on the back of the sofa. He wouldn't be able to move his neck in the morning if Gibbs let him stay like that. He bent down and took off Tony's shoes.

Tony jolted awake as Gibbs slid off his second shoe. "Oh. Thanks, Boss. You're nice. Nicer'n real-life Gibbs."

"Watch it," Gibbs warned, half-joking. "Just because you _opened up_ to me, doesn't mean I won't smack you." He helped Tony lie down, and covered him with the blanket. He turned to leave the room.

"Boss?" Tony asked, his words muffled slightly by the fluffy pillow under his head.

Gibbs stopped. "Yeah, Tony?"

"What about you?"

"'What about me' what?"

"Well," he began, adjusting his head so it wasn't buried so deeply in the pillow. "You know why _I'm_ laying off dating. But what about you? Why'd you give up?"

Gibbs paused. He'd been prepared to forget about reciprocating Tony's confidence tonight, but now Tony had asked the question head-on. Was Gibbs really considering answering him truthfully? It seemed only fair, after Tony - however influenced he was by medication - had shared his secret. But unlike Tony, Gibbs hadn't ever told a single soul this one. But if he was being honest with himself, he would like to tell someone. Had wanted to for over a year, ever since he'd realized the truth about himself. Well, who better to tell than a drugged-up Tony who would never remember Gibbs's revelation tomorrow anyway?

He hesitated a moment longer, but then slowly walked back into the room and sat in the armchair next to the sofa. He took a deep breath, but didn't answer.

"Right woman must be out there somewhere," Tony pressed.

Gibbs picked up his bourbon glass and downed the remainder in one gulp. Liquid courage.

"She was," he said finally. "She was out there. Once."

"Yeah, but…"

"DiNozzo, you know as well as I do," Gibbs continued. His voice dropped and he said, almost to himself, "There _are_ no other women for me."

"Whaddya mean?" asked Tony, adjusting himself so he could look at Gibbs. He still looked sleepy, but Gibbs's words seemed to have roused him slightly. "So that's it? It's the single life for you from here on out?"

"Didn't say that," Gibbs replied quietly. He took another deep breath, but couldn't quite bring himself to elaborate.

Tony's groggy brain was trying to follow. He frowned. "But…" he began, "you just said…If you're not going to date women, then who…" His frown deepened for a moment, and then a look of realization crossed his face. "Boss…you're not saying what I think you're saying…?"

Gibbs leaned forward and put his empty bourbon glass on the coffee table. He cleared his throat. There was no going back now, he knew. And, he realized with slight surprise, if he was being perfectly honest, he didn't want to.

"Yeah. Yeah, I am."

"Wow," was all Tony said. His eyes started to close again. His drowsiness was getting the better of him. "Definitely didn't expect that," he slurred, pulling the covers up to his chin and settling in to go to sleep. "That's pretty surprising. My boss, the tough Marine…"

"Don't be fooled, DiNozzo. That hasn't changed. I'll still kick your ass."

Tony's eyes had closed. Without opening them, he mumbled, "Hope it doesn't change anything. At work. Now that I know."

"Well, don't worry, Tony," Gibbs said with a smile, finally standing up. On his way out of the living room, he added, without looking back, "This is all just a dream."

* * *

Tony awoke early the next morning. It took him a few minutes to realize where he was. His memory of the previous night was very foggy. As he sat up, he felt a sudden throbbing pain in his jaw. Right. The dentist. Surgery. Painkillers. It was a Friday evening appointment, he remembered. He'd chosen that time on purpose. He didn't want to miss any work. Gibbs wouldn't like that.

 _Gibbs_. A hazy memory of a brief, but very intimate conversation with his boss the previous night entered his mind. He concentrated hard, working out the details. But…it _had_ to have been a dream, Tony told himself. That conversation — Tony sharing one of his biggest secrets, and Gibbs… _coming out_ to Tony! — was just the first of many drug-induced dreams he'd had all night. Yes. Hadn't Gibbs even _said_ it was a dream?

With his usual perfect timing, Gibbs entered the living room at that moment. He set a glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol on the coffee table without a word.

"Morning," Tony said, reaching for the meds. He shot Gibbs a cautious look, trying to gauge if anything was different.

"Morning," Gibbs replied. "How's the tooth?"

"A lot better. Still a bit sore," said Tony. Gibbs was exhibiting his usual gruff exterior. No change there. Nor was he looking at Tony any differently, or trying to catch his eye. Tony realized with some regret that their conversation the previous night had really just been a dream.

"Looks better. Swelling's gone down," Gibbs said. "Hungry?"

"Starving!" said Tony, suddenly remembering that he'd skipped supper the previous night.

"C'mon." Gibbs nodded toward the front door. "I'll take you home. We'll get drive-through on the way."

"Wow, Boss, what did I do to deserve this?" Tony answered happily.

He went to the washroom to fix himself up in the mirror a little before leaving. He splashed some water on his face and looked at his reflection. The sting of his latest break-up was still fresh in his mind. Oh well, he told himself. Time to plaster on that goofy façade that everyone had come to expect. He smoothed his hair down, fake-grinned at his reflection and left the washroom.

He met Gibbs by the front door and started getting on his shoes and coat, chatting and trying to sound like his usual self.

"That anesthesia was wack. Seriously, you should try it sometime. Oh man, the dreams! Better than acid. Not that I've ever done acid, but you know what I mean…"

He trailed off. Gibbs had opened the front door, but before stepping outside, he turned around and met Tony's eyes, giving him a calm, measured look. Tony looked back. In that instant, he knew: it wasn't a dream. And from the subtle change in Gibbs's expression, Tony could tell that his boss was aware that Tony had remembered. Neither of them spoke. Gibbs held Tony's gaze a moment longer, then turned toward the door. Well, Tony thought, looks like now's not the time to bring this up. It could wait for another time. When Gibbs was ready. When _he_ was ready.

Without a word, Gibbs opened the door wider so Tony could precede him outside. As he walked out, Gibbs followed close behind, and gave Tony a friendly pat on the shoulder.

**Author's Note:**

> This was one of my first NCIS fics, which I recently found on my laptop and decided to fix up and publish. Parts of the story are perhaps unrealistic, such as Tony's level of impairment from anesthesia, and the extent to which his "secret" drove away women. (I'm child-free and happy, so I definitely know it's an exaggeration!) But I just wanted a sweet heart-to-heart/moment of trust between my two favourite characters, even if it's not too realistic.


End file.
